With the obsession that mainstream media has with the green of youth and looks, one would be forgiven for assuming that dating is exclusively a young people’s game. That only young adults are motivated to look for love and relationships. Turns out that the mainstream media are grossly out of touch with reality.
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The fact of the matter is that romance doesn’t have a shelf life. And the need for companionship doesn’t wither as one ages — nurturing fulfilling relationships is as important for the elderly as it is for people in early adulthood. Because there’s one thing about human nature that sticks true regardless of age: no one likes to feel lonely.
The Dating Scene for Seniors
There’s plenty of evidence to suggest that people are not only outliving their ancestors but also staying fitter/healthier for longer. At the same time, older adults are increasingly finding themselves single, owing to a divorce or the death of one’s spouse. This means there are more seniors looking for romance than ever before.
That shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, really. Today’s crop of senior citizens came of age during the sexual revolution. With so many of them unattached, it’s only natural that they would seek out love and relationships.
Needless to say, though, such endeavors aren’t without their challenges. Seniors re-entering the dating scene often have to battle age-old stereotypes and societal beliefs (more on those later). There’s also the limited opportunity to meet potential dates; a typical senior citizen has a smaller social network than the average millennial.
That being said, the internet has opened up alternative routes for such individuals. Social platforms aside, there are sites dedicated to helping older adults find other singles. Elsewhere, assisted living facilities and retirement homes have provided easy outlets for seniors looking to make connections.
The majority of older daters admit that they look for connections on a much deeper level compared to when they were younger. They also tend to approach the dating scene more cautiously — past disappointments remind that success in the dating game is far from guaranteed. In addition, there are plenty of scammers out there looking to sweet-talk their way into the wallet of an unsuspecting senior.
Redefining The Experience
As highlighted earlier, there are lots of misconceptions about senior citizens and what they want/don’t want in a relationship. So let’s start by setting the records straight:Image may be NSFW.
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-Age doesn’t matter much: It’s easy to think that an individual in their wisdom years seeks out similarly-aged colleagues, but nothing could be further from the truth. In reality, one becomes more flexible in their approach to companionship as they get older.
-Neither does appearance: Older adults are wise enough to know that looks have very little to do with someone’s potential to be a great match.
-Not everybody is looking for a long-term commitment: While the fundamental premise behind dating is to find love and marriage, not everyone shares the same goal. Some seniors look for companionship and nothing more while others want someone to share their favorite hobbies.
In a nutshell, senior citizens approach dating a lot differently from their younger counterparts. With more life experience comes a stronger sense of one’s identity and, more importantly, a good grasp of what one wants from a potential lover. Additionally, seniors have less-constricting schedules compared to millennials, which means they have more time to explore potential partners.
Achieving Common Ground
Dating life for senior couples can take many shapes, depending on each person wants. But as always, success hinges on the ability to find common ground. This in turn boils down to what one wants from a relationship — whether it’s companionship or romance.
That being said, a healthy relationship usually begins with a friendship. So while each of the aforementioned objectives defines the dating experience uniquely, the two can actually co-exist in practice. If both parties just want a companion, they simply keep matters at the friendship level.
Still, it’s not unheard of for seniors to establish ‘friends-with-benefits’ arrangements, as they’re colloquially known. Some even take the more complicated route of seeking out multiple companions at the same time. And this has nothing to do with the lack of morals, as strange as that might sound. Rather, it’s based on the recognition that a single partner might not be the solution for all their needs.
For those who prefer to keep things more conventional, nothing can be as satisfying as finding that special someone with whom they can share their life with. When that happens, it only makes sense for the couple to take things to another level. Although this brings the prospect of tying the knot, it’s also the reason why the elderly make up 25% of all cohabiters today.
A Way Forward
Cohabitation, while often acting as a stepping stone towards marriage, is becoming increasingly popular among senior couples. This applies even when both partners are open to the idea of long-term commitment. Does this mean that marriage has lost its meaning to the elderly?
Well, not exactly. On one hand, attitudes change based on past experiences. There are those who’ve already spent years (or decades) with a significant other, only to be rendered single by divorce. For obvious reasons, such individuals will be more content in a relationship that doesn’t involve the exchange of vows.
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On a more optimistic note, cohabitation is often seen as the more practical way of surviving life when one gets old. Couples can take care of each other physically, emotionally and mentally while living together. Married or not, what matters is to have someone ready to devote their time.
For others, the decision to avoid nuptials has more to do with finances. A lady can lose their pension if she remarries before hitting the legal retirement age. On top of that, older adults tend to be submerged deeper in debt — this complicates the whole ‘for better, for worse’ concept.
Considerations For the Elderly Looking to Remarry
Even as the majority of senior couples seem content with cohabiting, a small percentage still want the security of being in wedlock. Remarriage at this stage of life is a pursuit not to be taken lightly, to say the least. Too many seniors have taken the plunge without proper planning only to suffer devastating consequences.
The question, therefore, becomes what elements couples should prioritize as they
prepare:
-Prenups: These serve to protect each party’s interests from misallocation or confusion after their partner’s demise or a divorce. Prenuptial agreements are particularly crucial when one individual has property that’s meant to be passed down to a child.
-Credit histories: It’s common sense that people should review their partner’s spending habits before taking on their financial obligations.
-Taxes: Couples should keep in mind that getting married creates new tax consequences. On one hand, is the likelihood of landing in a higher tax bracket after incomes are combined. Alternatively, a lesser-endowed individual may benefit from better treatment of their tax obligations. Whatever the case, it behooves them to consult a tax professional early on.
-Medical benefits: Tying the knot could mean being ineligible for medical benefits. Kids could also be denied financial assistance on the account of the new spouses’ income. It’s very important that couples put in place workarounds for these limitations in time.
-Estate planning: Life insurance policies and succession documents need to be updated way before vows are recited.
-Relationships: Remarrying couples are often reminded that their relationships will affect more parties besides themselves and their children. Tensions can arise between past and present kin, as well as each individual’s friends from previous relationships. Engaged seniors should therefore evaluate the potential consequences of their union and make them known to the relevant parties.
Sex and Intimacy Have Little to Do With Age
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Unlike what some would have you believe, an increase in one’s age doesn’t diminish their sexual appetite. Research from the University of Manchester shows that the majority of people want to continue having an active sex life well into their 70s and 80s. Like everyone else, senior citizens consider this essential to their happiness, well-being, and quality of life in general. Which is a good thing, given the role sex plays in sustaining a healthy relationship.
And it’s not to say that the elderly are too shy to engage in casual sex. If reports from senior living communities are anything to go by, they can be just as adventurous as anyone else. A good number of seniors have admitted to taking advantage of such facilities to hook up with other people.
Shocking as that might sound, there are several factors that motivate such tendencies:
-Convergence of needs: Specifically, women become more assertive and men start to appreciate the emotional connection. This encourages exploration on both sides.
-Less stress: No more dealing with the headaches of building a career and/or raising kids. This basically moves sex up on one’s priority list.
-No nasty surprises: With fears of pregnancy firmly in the rear-view mirror, people feel freer to explore their sex menu.
But let’s not get carried away here: Certain conditions that come with age can (and do) take sex out of the equation. For men, an erection problem can reduce intercourse to nothing but a distant memory. Ladies, on the other hand, may be forced to retire due to the side-effects that come with menopause.
So it’s fair to say that not all seniors are sexually active. Although some have successfully overcome their physical limitations by seeking treatment, it’s not always possible to sail past the psychological scars they leave behind. Additionally, ageist stereotypes can discourage both men and women from bringing health problems to their doctor’s attention.
At the end of the day, how your sex life evolves as you grow older is all up to you. Your body will inevitably change as you grow older. But these changes don’t have to get in the way of expressing intimacy — you just need to adapt accordingly.
STDs are a Concern
It’s the unfortunate but unavoidable part of the sex equation: sexually transmitted diseases. Common sense dictates that if a senior can be as active as someone in their 20s, they’re just as likely to contract an STD as the latter are. Worse still, older isn’t necessarily more informed with respect to prevention: it’s suggested that contraception use is lowest among senior folks.
Sadly, figures from a CDC report released in 2012 have only confirmed this; STI rates among older demographics have tripled in less than 10 years. There are several factors to blame for this:
-Misconceptions: Some seniors don’t think that the idea of safe sex applies to them. Strange as that sounds, it’s worth noting that most STI familiarization campaigns are usually addressed at young folks.
-Still, on the point of familiarization, healthcare providers often overlook the topic of safe sex when attending to seniors. This leads to the precarious scenario where erectile dysfunction drugs and vaginal lubricants are prescribed without offering patients condoms.
-Lack of screening: Both doctors and patients are to blame here; neither party pays attention to sexual history when checkups are being conducted.
Truth be told, however, STI prevalence among seniors hasn’t risen to epidemic levels. The rising number of cases has more to do with an uptick of diagnoses than anything else. Health experts have also pointed out that this age group doesn’t face as many threats as younger generations do.
Obviously, the key to curbing STIs is to enlighten and share. Older folks should feel empowered to talk to their doctors about sex — this would help eradicate preconceptions about what their patients are doing. Likewise, physicians should remind everyone of the need to approach sex responsibly. This, of course, goes hand-in-hand with making condoms readily available.
Senior citizens should also hold the safe sex talk among themselves. It doesn’t matter whether one is still sexually active — sharing experiences and concerns will compel people to take more responsibility. And who’s to say that society couldn’t use a greater understanding of sex in the golden years?
Boca Home Care Services is not a dating agency, but they will match seniors in Broward or Palm Beach counties with a compatible home care aide to make life easier and freer in your pursuit of continued happiness.